TwistED
by Skymouth
Summary: A formula concocted by Edd to make Sarah nice has regrettable consequences for Eddy.


TwistED

Part I

An Ed, Edd, & Eddy Fanfic

By Brenna "Snakelady" Dawkins

Disclaimer: All characters are owned by Danny Antonucci, aka Cartoon, and Cartoon Network. I own nothing. Nothing I tell you! No money was made from this fic.

Rating: R

Summary: A formula concocted by Edd to make Sarah nice has regrettable consequences for Eddy.

(Author's Note: Just wanted to find out what would happen if Sarah ever had a crush on Eddy. So Eddy and Sarah might be just a little OOC. Also, included, some sexual situations, so beware those faint of heart! Heh. Also thanks to Moogle-kun on DA for her assistance with this fic in helping me brainstorm.)

"I tell you, Double D, I've had it with her!" Eddy stormed through grit teeth. He sported a fresh new black eye compliments of Ed's little sister.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't stolen Sarah's doll and ripped it's head off during one of your scams, you could have avoided her retribution." Edd wisely suggested.

"What? Speak English, Double D." Eddy complained. "It's Sarah's fault, anyway. She should've let me borrow the dumb thing and I wouldn't've had to steal it. If only she'd just be a little nicer… a little more… human!"

"Human is as human does, Eddy!" Laughed Ed.

Eddy's brows furrowed as he looked Ed's way. "Um, yeah, Ed."

"That's it, Eddy." Double D said suddenly, after thinking thoughtfully for a few quiet moments.

"What are you talking about, Sock Head?" Eddy growled, his mood sour, his hands shoved deep into his pants pockets, and his thoughts turning dark towards a certain spoiled little sister.

"What if Sarah was, well, um, well adjusted?"

Eddy gave Edd the same incredulous look he'd given Ed only moments ago, "Huh? Sarah nice? Gimme a break! That's right up there with Ed getting an A on a math test. Impossible!"

But Edd's mental gears were spinning full force, "But think of it, Eddy! How we could change the quality of someone's life by changing their perspective!"

"And just how would we do that? Magic?" Eddy gestured with a wave of his hand.

Edd shook his head, "Patience, Eddy. All it will take is some good ole creative ingenuity."

Eddy watched as Edd walked off, muttering to himself a list of things he'd need. "But… what about the scam?" Eddy called after to no avail. Eddy growled impotently, his fists balled up as he watched his buddy escape to his lab. "This sucks, Ed! How are we supposed to make any money today when he's holed up in his garage?"

Ed just grinned, "Lunacy is contagious, Eddy!"

"Got that right, Monobrow." Eddy sighed and walked off to tend to his eye that was still throbbing painfully. Ed just stood there, casting a long shadow on the sidewalk, head cocked with a blank and yet happy expression on his face.

"I've done it, Eddy!" Edd held up a beaker triumphantly full of a green liquid.

Eddy jerked awake after dropping off to sleep as he waited in a cushioned chair in Edd's makeshift lab. "Huh? What?"

"The pinnacle of my creative juices, Eddy! It's a mood enhancer!"

"A mood what?" Eddy grimaced.

"Mood enHANCER, Eddy. Um, an emotion potion, if you will." Edd chuckled at his cleverness.

Eddy grabbed the beaker from Edd. "This'll make her nice, huh? How are we supposed to make her drink it?"

"Not drink. I don't think it'd be safe to ingest. I'll make it into a spray. A pleasing perfume, perhaps. Something that will delight the senses."

Eddy grinned evilly as he thought up of a way to make some money. "There might be a way to salvage this day after all!"

Edd sighed. "Must you pervert every one of my good intentions with your schemes?"

"Yes!" Eddy laughed.

"Some day your backed up bad karma is going to get the best of you, Eddy." Edd admonished his greedy, entrepreneurial-minded friend.

"Karma is for saps. Hurry up and make it smell good. I got to go set up shop!"

Edd sighed heavily and picked through his chemicals to find something that would create a pleasant scent.

It was very late in the afternoon when the cul-de sac kids happened upon a haphazardly constructed plywood booth. It was a simple booth with a crudely painted sign placed out front that read Eddy's Toilet Water.

"That's disgusting! Who'd want to buy water only a dog would drink?" Nazz commented as she looked at the variety of spray bottles that were displayed on the surface of the booth. The blonde picked up one of the bottles, inspecting it closely.

"Why mademoiselle," Edd clasped his hands together, "Toilet water is French for perfume. Um, I think." He added quietly to himself.

Eddy came out around from behind his booth, "My fair lady, perhaps you'd like to try our newest line of fragrances? Only twenty-five cents! Come on, a bargain in a bottle!"

"I don't know." She said uncertainly.

"This one smells like flowers." Edd held up one sample.

"I like flowers." Nazz reached for the bottle but was knocked out of the way as Sarah tromped into view.

Eddy grinned and shoved Edd out of Sarah's reach. "Ah, a discerning customer! Come, try this one! Smell like a nice, Spring day!" He held out the bottle he'd been saving just for Sarah.

Sarah gave him an evil look, "I'm not paying if it doesn't smell good!"

"Why of course! Eddy! The customer is always right!" Edd interrupted a bristling Eddy. "We at Eddy's Toilet Water believe in free samples!"

"FREE!" Eddy nearly shrieked at the audacious concept.

"Gimme that!" Sarah snatched the bottle out of Edd's hand and sprayed her neck with the stuff. She sniffed it experimentally. Her voice was surprised. "Hey, this isn't half bad." She sniffed some more and sprayed some more.

"Hey, that's only ONE free sample!" Eddy groused.

"Fine! Here!" Sarah threw her quarter at the shortest of the Ed's and took her bottle. "I'm still mad at you, Eddy for killing my doll!" Then, much to Eddy's relief, she left with the emotion enhancer.

"What about you, Nazz?" Edd ignored Eddy as he practically salivated over the shiny coin. "You interested in our fine product?"

"Nah." She set down one bottle she'd sampled and left.

"Only one sale, I thought this venture would be more profitable then that." Edd said somewhat disappointed.

"Who cares!" Eddy said rather jovially, surprising Edd.

Edd asked. "Eddy? You feeling okay?"

"Sarah being nice for a change would be totally worth it, Double D! I mean, come on! We could totally milk her favors 'till it's dry!"

Double D looked askance at Eddy. "Just when I thought we made a break through."

"Shut up, Double D! How long until that stuff works anyway?"

"I'm not sure. It depends on how much is consumed." Edd had his finger on his chin thoughtfully.

"Come on, Edd, I need something a bit more concrete then that."

"You didn't exactly give me time to narrow the figures down, Eddy." Edd sighed.

Eddy glared balefully at Edd, then grabbed Ed, "So, I hear there's a mega monster marathon on the Weird Things Channel tonight, Ed."

Ed suddenly sprung to life, nodding furiously, "Yuhuh yuhuh! Monsters and mayhem and lots of goo! Good times!"

"Sounds like a winning combo to me." Eddy clapped the lunk head on the back.

Edd rolled his eyes, "Oh dear, you two aren't going to rot your brains for hours on end watching that gratuitous, horribly scripted and acted tripe that's not even shot on 8 mm film, are you?"

"No." Eddy said grinning.

"Well, THAT'S a relief." Edd heaved a sigh.

"All of us are!" He grabbed Edd by the arm.

"But Eddy! I have an English test to study for!"

"English schmenglish! You already speak it, buddy! Well… most of the time." Eddy scratched his head uncertainly. "Besides, that test isn't until NEXT week!"

"There's no shame in making good use of spare time." Edd told his stubborn friend.

"There is when your idea of usage is studying! Gimme a break, Edd! Free popcorn, free soda, free chocolate, and enough monster bashing to make your brain bleed!" Eddy said in a fervor.

"Oh rapture." Edd replied in sarcastic deadpan while crossing his arms.

"You bet! It's a go then!" He started shoving Edd towards Ed's house.

Edd reluctantly let himself be ushered towards his friends house. "Eddy, really, I have to study!"

"Don't be such a sap!" Eddy admonished his friend, "That nice potion totally tanked. What good has studying done for you if you can't make one little potion work?"

"You haven't given it any time to react with the host!" Edd said a little miffed at Eddy's presumption. "Your flavor of logic simply boggles the mind!"

Eddy laughed, "Maybe you SHOULD study for that English test, Edd! As if. Sheesh! Relax! Hang with your buds, 'K?"

Edd remained silent, knowing his words would just fall on deaf ears. He hated being pushed around by Eddy, but he always tended to just bend whichever way the wind blew because it was just easier. Not smarter, just easier, and Eddy was the biggest wind he knew of.

So the three of them ended up sitting in a semi circle around the television in Ed's room. Ed was enraptured by the flickering screen, Eddy was slurping up the last of the soda, and Edd tried to guess at the latest features seemingly minute budget.

Eddy wiped his mouth after emptying the can. He tossed it back over his shoulder with the rest of them, knowing it'd only add to Ed's questionable décor.

"Got any more soda, Ed?" Eddy greedily asked his friend.

Edd shook his head, "Eddy, you'll be going to the bathroom all night with all that soda you've been drinking."

"Yeah, so?" Eddy sneered, unconcerned. "So Ed? Got more?"

Ed shushed Eddy. "Best part! Shush!" Then turned excitedly back to the screen.

Eddy scowled. "Fine, I'll go check for myself."

"As long as you're going up, could you please bring me back a bag of chips?" Edd asked.

Eddy laughed, "What's with the please, Edd? That currency's no good here!" He laughed his way up the teetering stairway to the kitchen.

Edd sighed again and tried to turn his attention back to the dismal idea of entertainment for the evening.

Eddy stalked up the stairs and into the kitchen as if he owned the place. The rest of the house actually looked livable, though after spending so much time in the basement that was Ed's room, one sometimes forgot that fact. But that didn't bother Eddy much, as long as it didn't disrupt the routine of the day.

The foreword thinking Ed had his nose shoved into the fridge when he heard a noise from behind.

"Ed! Mom said no late night snacking! I'm telling!"

Eddy knew owner of that shriek too well. His flesh crawled at the high pitched command and he popped his head around the fridge door to unleash a barrage of well deserved degradation Sarah's way but was stopped by a wall of some foul smelling scent.

"Ugh! Sarah! What are you wearing?" He waved his hand in front of his nose.

"Eddy!" She shrieked once then stared dumbly at the shortest Ed. It took her a moment to clear her head and answer him for some reason. "It's your perfume. You don't recognize it?" She fidgeted a bit.

Eddy hung back uncertainly. "Uh, oh yeah. Just… sheesh, it's a bit much." And he coughed a bit to make a point.

Sarah's face fell. "You don't like it?"

Eddy paused, "Um, Sarah, I just came to get a soda, is all. I didn't come to gab, 'K?"

"I can get the soda for you!" Sarah leapt towards the fridge. Eddy jumped out of her way, agape and wide eyed at her antics. She charged in front of him, knocking him aside and grabbed up a soda. She shoved it into his hand and he had to scramble to catch it before it fell to the floor. "There you go! Can I get you anything else, Eddy?"

Eddy's eyebrow twisted. Something was not right. Had he unwittingly walked into a monster movie? Sarah was being just way too nice… OH! A wide grin split his face. The potion worked after all! 'Bout time! "Yeah, can you make us some popcorn?" He saw her all too eager expression and bit down hard to keep from bursting into maniacal laughter. This was too rich!

"Popcorn! Sure thing! Anything else?"

"Jawbreakers! Three of em!" His eyes were watering from the effort to keep from busting a gut.

"You got it!"

"Oh, and pretzels and beef jerky! Post haste!"

Sarah nodded, eagerness still self-evident. He took one last look back into the kitchen as he slowly descended down the stairs, noting how she busily went about her task. He thought it was safe to begin sniggering to himself. Utterly priceless! He shoulda charged her more for the perfume. He quickly tried to figure out a way he could make more money off of her.

"Thought you were going to get yourself a soda." Edd noticed that Eddy had come back empty handed. "Or did you get chased out of the kitchen?" He chortled a bit at that.

"Nah, why get it myself when I got my own, personal maid?" Eddy grinned toothily.

"Come again, Eddy?" Edd half turned in Eddy's direction, wondering if he heard his friend correctly.

Eddy looked smug and sat back in his chair. "Turned out your potion worked after all!"

Edd frowned, "Please, don't tease me Eddy."

"No! I swear! Sarah's upstairs fetching for me! This is going to be so sweet!" Eddy replied and rubbed his hands together in anticipation for what he'll assign her to do next. Maybe his homework… then cleaning his room… then a dozen or so other stupid, boring chores that he had on his list that would just ruin a weekend for him. "Go look for yourself!"

Edd fingered his chin thoughtfully, "It would be wondrous to see the fruition of my endeavor."

"Huh?" Eddy's brow furrowed in his attempt to keep up with Edd's thoughts.

"Commercial!" Ed shouted. "Edd fixed little bundle of evil sister? Must see! Must see!" Ed jumped up and dragged Edd with him at a run.

"Hey, see if she'll make us a huge Sunday!" Eddy called after them.

It wasn't long until he heard a barrage of high-pitched shrieks and what sounded like a herd of elephants running down the stairs towards Ed's room. Eddy stared as Ed and Edd barged into Ed's room and slammed the door shut behind them. Both were gasping for breath and had the look of fear plastered on their faces.

"Is my eyebrow still there, Double D?" Ed asked his heaving friend worriedly and began to inspect his brow with his hands anxiously.

"As are all of my teeth, Ed." Edd managed after inhaling deeply a few times. He then regained his composure and scowled at a puzzled Eddy. "Eddy! That was low, even for you, setting me and Ed up like that!"

"What are you yammering about?" Eddy demanded pertly.

"You made me believe Sarah had turned nice, Eddy. You set us up! I'm so disappointed in you!" Double D pointed an accusing finger at his baffled friend. "She attacked us, Eddy!"

Eddy threw himself into a stand. "No, that's not possible! She was all, 'What else can I do for you, Eddy?' I swear!"

"Ed traumatized for life now, Eddy! Oh look! Fried cheese curl!" Ed dove for the ancient snack he'd discovered on the floor after his announcement and stuffed it into his mouth happily.

"Um, yes." Edd shivered in revulsion at Ed's feeding habits. "Anyway, I think it's time I head home. Hopefully you will use your time tonight to reflect on just how wrong it is to lie to people, Eddy."

"But, Double D! I'm not lying!" Eddy held his hands out beseechingly.

Double D managed to glare at Eddy as he went for the escape hatch in Ed's room so he wouldn't have to go out via the kitchen. "You've cried wolf too many times into these ears, Eddy. I'm going home before Sarah decides to go in for the kill." And he expertly slipped out through the tiny hinged window near the ceiling that let out into the yard.

Eddy scowled after the departure of his friend and decided to go back upstairs to see for himself. This was nuts… was this some weird set up or something? But Edd wouldn't lie, if only because he was the world's worst liar. Eddy stomped up the stairs, annoyed and ready for a confrontation with Sarah.

"Sarah!" Eddy waltzed into the kitchen and there was the little spitfire, making some popcorn in the microwave.

She turned and instead of hissing at him as usual, she got that weird happy look on her face. "Eddy! I'm making the popcorn! Beef jerky is on the serving tray. I got a few other things to prepare for you. You didn't have to come up here, I WAS going to bring them right down to you, silly!"

Eddy balked. "Um, okay. But why did you threaten Double D and your brother just a moment ago?"

A timer dinged from the direction of the oven. "Cookies are done! I made you chocolate chip! M-m-m-m-m-m!"

Eddy inhaled the heady scent of melty chocolate chips. "Wow, okay. Don't forget the soda."

"Anything for you, Eddy!" Sarah beamed at him.

Eddy stared, feeling just a bit unnerved and slowly went back to Ed's room.

"Eddy survived the encounter with the ravenous demonic sister! Oh happy day!" Ed noted Eddy's safe return gleefully.

"Of course I did, Ed, you dolt! How you got Edd to lie is beyond me. Sarah's going to be down in a minute to give us some snacks."

Ed leapt up, panic-stricken and began to wildly run about his room pell-mell. "Batten down the hatches and chickens! An evil wind blows this way, Eddy!"

"Relax, doughboy. She was all starry eyed and stuff. It was kinda spooky, actually."

"Please, don't let Sarah get me!" Ed cried pitifully.

Eddy snorted, "Fine! I'll go up and get the grub myself."

He shook his head and went back up.

Sarah was dancing around the kitchen and her face lit up like a candle when she caught sight of Eddy. "I got everything you asked for, Eddy!" She slid up beside him, pressing herself against Eddy. "Can I get you anything else?"

Eddy cautiously edged away from her. "U-u-u-m, no, that's it. Why don't you go play with your dolls or… something?"

"Anything for you, Eddy!" She giggled and twirled around twice and before she departed, blew Eddy a kiss.

Eddy winced. "Jeeze, Sarah acting all… gooey, is almost worse then Sarah at her worst!"

He went back downstairs, wondering at the seemingly misleading reports of Sarah's behavior that Ed and Edd had delivered him. Had Edd lied to him after all?

To be continued…


End file.
